WHO IS A FRIEND?

BE A FRIEND

Why do you call a person a friend? Do you know that there are different people in your life that you call them friends but in a real sense they are not your friends?

For a person to be your friend I think they must have some qualities that can make you think of friendship.

Someone today asked me Who is a friend?

A friend is someone you can be alone with and have nothing to do and not be able to think of anything to say and be comfortable in the silence.

A friend is someone with whom you dare to be yourself.

A friend is one to whom one may pour out all the contents of one's heart, chaff and grain together, knowing that the gentlest of hands will take and sift it, keep what is worth keeping, and with a breath of kindness, blow the rest away.

A friend is one who knows us, but loves us anyway. Is he who will tell your faults in private.

I am sure Everybody needs one essential friend.

But Oh! The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearless on any subject; with whom one's deepest as well as one's most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort - the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person - having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.

Reuben Koikai

FEAR PARALYZES ACTION

You can Do It.

The most common reaction in a fear situation is the attitude of, “I can’t!” This is the fear of failure andloss that stops us from taking action. It is experienced physically, starting in the solar plexus.

Whenpeople are really afraid, their mouth and throat go dry, their heart starts pounding. Sometimes theybreathe shallowly and their stomach churns. Often they feel like getting up and running to the bathroom.

These are all physical manifestations of the inhibitive negative habit pattern, which we allexperience from time to time. Whenever a person is in the grip of fear, he feels like a deer caught inthe headlights of a car. This fear paralyzes action. It often shuts down the brain and causes theindividual to revert to the “fight-or-flight” reaction.

Fear is a terrible emotion that undermines ourhappiness and can hold us back throughout our lives.

Every time you repeat the words “I can do it!” with conviction, you override your fear and increaseyour confidence. By repeating this affirmation over and over again, you can eventually build yourcourage and confidence to the point where you are unafraid.

Reuben Koikai

ACCEPT YOUR TRUE SELF

LEARN WHY IS IT IMPORTANT TO IMPROVE YOUR SELF?

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of I wish I was somebody else. More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, she looks so perfectly calm and confident. But if you could read through her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she is thinking "are people talking about why I am seated here alone?..." Why don't guys find me attractive? Or they don't like my ankles, I look too skinny, I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say Wooh what else could he ask for? He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, I hate my big eyes I wonder why my friends won't talk to me, I hope mom and dad would still work things out.

Isn't it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she is around, and she doesn't notices how badly she became socially handicapped and gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss. Ask questions like:-
Do you think I am ill-mannered?
Do I always sound so argumentative?
Do I talk too loud?,
Does my breath smell?
Do I ever bore you when were together?.

In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her/him your ears for comments and criticisms and don't give them answers like "Don't exaggerate!" Or "That's just the way I am!" Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help them improve themselves.

Remember, you cannot give what you do not have. Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of "If only I was richer" or "If only I was thinner" and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we have got 100 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It's the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Reuben Koikai.

BLINDNESS IN MORE WAYS

Wake up and Change your mindset

Dear reader of this Blog, I am hoping that your mind is ready to learn and to be transformed to positivity.

Please do not forget to SUBSCRIBE, LIKE AND SHARE.

We all too often refer to the state of blindness as a physical disability. And, we all know how debilitating this physically challenging state can be for those who had sight previously in their life and went blind because of an accident. 

But, did you know that blindness could also affect people who have perfectly good eyesight?

Look down here

Struggles Eliminated 

I am thinking specifically of those types of people who may not have had a lot in their lives, and who constantly struggled just to put food on their table, or to pay those recurring monthly bills.

And, down the road, some of these people had the good fortune to be assisted to do more and have more by a special friend or, in some cases, people who were originally complete strangers.

Some people were given every opportunity to get ahead and had assistance in helping them pay bills, or help in finding a better job through personal contacts. 

And, as time goes by, these people excelled and were able to move on to better living conditions and in many cases, were able to not only buy their first home but were able to start enjoying some of the finer amenities of life. 

Helped But Not Helping 

So, why do I refer to some of these people as suffering from blindness? 

Simply put, once they succeeded in leaving their unrewarding past behind, they also left behind their capacity to acknowledge, or help those still less fortunate and those who also were in the same position they were only a short time ago. 

It seems that they suffer from blindness in not being able to see that what you give you get back over and over again; they forgot that they had help to move forward in life and they are now blind to the responsibility to help at least one other person to be what they can be through active helping. 

Sad Selfishness 

To me, there is nothing as sad as a person who becomes selfish when they in fact would never have succeeded without the assistance of another person. 

Now, does this mean that you should not…

Think About this.

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HEY! WATCH YOUR LANGUAGE!

Words Count!

The way you use words during self-talk has a tremendous impact on whether your subconscious mind works for you or against you.

For instance when you say, "I can't...," rather than, "I choose not to...," you convey to your subconscious mind that you have no choice in the situation. This creates a helpless attitude about your behavior and weakens your resolve.

"I choose..." implies that you have a choice in the matter. Likewise, when you say "I must...," and "I have to...." you are telling your subconscious mind that you
have no control over your behavior, that someone or something outside yourself is in the driver's seat.

This does not enthusiastically work to move you toward your goals. Therefore, always say "I choose to...," which, after all, usually is the truth of the matter.

Also, beware of using "I should..." It implies to your subconscious mind that your choice of behavior is being made from a position of guilt, which serves to
undermine your self-discipline power.

Remember: It's "I choose ..." When your
subconscious mind hears your priorities stated in a forceful, positive manner, it feels your power. It then uses that power to mobilize your inner resources toward achieving your priorities. In other words,
words count.

If you state your self-talk messages aloud, then they will be even stronger because your message will involve
two physical components, speech and hearing.

Your messages will have the power and support of not only your mental network, but also your physical network.

All the muscles and motor functions that are involved in your speaking and hearing will be activated and enlisted in the process of moving you toward doing your desired activity.

In other words, the more parts of yourself you involve in your self-talk, the more powerful the message will be to your subconscious mind. And, in turn, your subconscious mind will have more strength to support the actions you desire.

Watch your language then!

Reuben Koikai
Founder: Koikai Events

Contacts:
+255 718 143 903
benkoikai4@gmail.com

LIFE CHANGING QUESTION

AN IMPORTANT QUESTION

Think About The Answer

We are always being asked questions. But what about the questions that change our lives. 

I was once asked such a question as a young man. The question was asked one eventful day during a shift I worked as a student in my College. 

When I was a student, as part of my responsibilities, I had an opportunity to meeting several elderly men who where all unique in their own way, and some of these gentleman took a lot more care than others, and some were a lot grumpier than others. 

A lot of students, quite frankly, did not enjoy talking with these men and would try to avoid spending any more time there then they had to. On the contrary, I took the opposite tack attending to the talks of these men. 

Instead of just asking about my academics development, I spent a lot of time talking, learning, just good old give them attention beyond what they needed time. So, I became the main target of their pent up mental energy and honestly, I had a lot of fun spending my time with them. 

But, beyond establishing a great rapport with these men, there was one gentleman I spent a lot of time talking with. He wasn't at first appearance much different than the rest but he had a wicked sense of humor and a grand spirit about him

Life Changing Question

One day, after all necessary academics and leadership tasks were done and I stayed with them, he called me over to his Office. At first thinking he was about to introduce the obvious topic's, I was ready. Instead, he beckoned me even close so he could obviously speak very quietly to me out of earshot of the other man. 

In a soft voice just above a whisper, he asked,

"What do you want to be remembered for after you die?" 

I was somewhat taken back thinking immediately that he was old  man, may be he got physical distress and required immediate medical attention. I quickly asked, "What's wrong? 

"No, no, no, nothing bad", he whispered. 

"I want you to think about just what I said. What do you want to be remembered for after you die? 

I Didn't Understand

"I don't understand what you are asking me". I said confused. 

"It really is a simple question but an important question. How do you want people to think of you when you die? Do you want to be known for your humor, for your caring, for helping people no matter who they are, or do you want to be remembered as a person of status, wealth, spending big money on a house, fancy car, long vacations or possessing big assets?"

I know I probably sounded like a babbling idiot to him at that time because I couldn't give him a well thought out answer at all. I still remember feeling uncomfortable because I had no clear answer to give. 

A Question Worth Thinking About

Over the years, we may all face this important question. It may be a question that comes to you because of a tragic circumstance, or it may come to you after you have observed or witnessed other people stepping up to many needed issues and taking on great odds to change societal obligations. 

It may be a question you ask in later years when you finally realize that you won't live forever. Or, it may also be a question that you may never want to ask yourself because you are too caught up in enjoying the materialistic side of life. 

Think About The Answer

Is it time for you to ask, "What do you want to be remembered for after you die?"

THE POWER YOU CAN NOT BUY

IT IS WITHIN YOU

Who do you know who has a lot of power? Maybe you know some famous business leaders who own and run large corporations worth millions of dollars or you may know some famous politicians, successful authors, or individual speculators in real estate who have made it big. Each of these types of people probably have buying power beyond what you ever imagined, or professional power to influence the policies or events of a country, or even the power to make or break careers as they see fit. 

But, I want to talk about a different kind of power and one that I believe is worth a lot more than you may realize. 

This is the kind of power that successful people know about from first hand experience, and the kind of power that cannot ever be taken from you. 

It is the kind of power that can change lives for the better, or make an everlasting mark on the well being of many around them.

So, what kind of power is this?
Where can you get it?
Is it available to only the chosen few? 

The Point Is This

We all have personal power to affect the behaviors of others and this is the power you can't buy, beg or steal. 

It is the power in your words and actions to influence others but this power can also be negative if you use it wrongly or improperly.

It is the power to give respect to a homeless person on the street by acknowledging that you see them by saying a simple hello; it is the power to influence some one to keep moving forward with a difficult task because you believe in them and tell them that; it is the power to comfort those who have lost a loved one because you know the value of love; and it is the power to speak out for those who can't speak out for themselves. 

Power - you all have it - use it wisely because you never know what impact you have on other people even when you think otherwise.