FALLING IN LOVE WITH YOUR UNIQUENESS

YOUR SO VERY UNIQUE.

Dear friend of Koikai! Do you know and recognize that you are unique?

Getting to know yourself is one important part of the growth process, but equally important is loving and appreciating yourself. Self-deprecation is a habit, just like all types of negative thinking.

Unless you begin to appreciate your strengths, believe in yourself and reinforce your true capabilities, you will not move forward in life! Sure, you might stumble across the random opportunity and make some progress occasionally, but you won’t accidentally achieve the level of success you desire.

FIRST AND FOREMOST, CHOOSE TO FORGIVE YOURSELF NOW. Forgive yourself for anything you may feel guilty about, for allowing fear to hold you back from what you really want to do, for not believing in yourself, for allowing other people to define you. Affirm that you did the best you knew how to do, but now you know better and will do better.

STOP THE CYCLE OF SELF-ABUSE and begin honoring yourself for the beautiful and brilliant person you were meant to be.

BEGIN A HABIT OF ENCOURAGING YOURSELF. Speak kindly to yourself and affirm your ability to accomplish anything you want. Eventually, you will begin to believe it.

At the same time, WORK ON FORGIVING ANYONE WHO HAS HARMED YOU, BELITTLED YOU OR HELD YOU BACK. Even though these experiences may have affected you in profound ways, they do not have the ability to affect you now unless you choose to let them.

LET GO OF YOUR ANGER, HURT, DISAPPOINTMENT AND BITTERNESS. They do not serve you, and they do not punish the guilty. They only punish you by acting as a heavy weight bearing down upon your shoulders. If you release them, you free yourself to create the joy and success you truly deserve.

STARTING NOW, CHOOSE TO BELIEVE IN YOURSELF AND YOUR ABILITIES. Believe that you can form your life into anything you want it to be. Believe that you can overcome any obstacle, strengthen any skill, tackle any challenge and conquer any fear you may have. The more strongly believe you can do it, the more likely it is that you WILL.

It really is a CHOICE!

Reuben Koikai.
Facebook: Mc Koikai
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Phone: +255 718 143 903
Email: reubewill@gmail.com

GIVE TIME, BE A LISTENER AND MAKE FRIENDS

What does it take to make a friend? A normal question with not so normal answers in some cases. 

One of these situations of not the usual answer happened to me luckily not that long ago. 

As some would suspect from your background, may be you are not the most open person at times because of the kind of work you do or just your personal background, and work is in the justice system where one does not necessarily develop a natural affinity to make friendships with everyone. 

But, one thing that should never be compromised is the ability to give everyone a fair hearing without prejudice or malice. In other words, do not paint everyone with the same brush because of past circumstances.

I had occasion to be a leader at my local college and during my responsibilities as a leader I took a walk around the other colleges. I came across other leaders who was leading same level students and stopped in to preview and evaluate his work. 

As soon as I walked in his office he came over and started to chat. As he began to tell me about his work, studies, leadership experience and exposure, I sensed that there was more to his casual discussion than first appeared. 

Sure, he was friendly and quite knowledgeable about his responsibilities but there was more to him than what first was presented.

Just As I Suspected 

I began to ask him about what he did before he became a leader and learned what I had suspected. He had been a failure in classes and several times in his life but never stopped with failures and did appointments.

Now, three years ago, I would have simply thanked him for his time and left. But, as time would have it, and as I was not given to make prejudicial judgments, I remained to listen to his story. 

And, what had been a happenstance meeting turned out to be an open dialogue where we both shared our backgrounds. 

He had made a complete reversal in his life. He had made a decision to become a better person, clean from failing and turned his life around partly by focusing his energy on his ability and gifts. 

We must have chatted about our differing backgrounds and experiences for well over an hour, and this conversation continued off and on for several weeks whenever I happened to be in his college and around town. 

The long and short is that we are very good friends to this day appreciating each others background and being openly accepting of what made our lives different and unique. 

You can make a good and best friend too.

The making of a friend, for me, means being accepting of others, not to prejudge, to give each person an opportunity to express whom they are without jumping down their throat, or assuming that they are unworthy of my time.

Each of us is unique and we all are different. We are neither better nor worse; we are just different. Friendship will not happen unless you are willing to.

Make a friend by giving out your time;

DO NOT BELIEVE AND EMBRACE YOUR NEGATIVE STORY AND LIFE STYLE

2018 UNLOCK YOUR SELF IMPROVEMENT POWER

Dear followers and readers of this page, When we look at a certain object, a painting for example and we won't be able to appreciate what's in it, what is painted and what else goes with it if the painting is just an inch away from our face. But if we try to take it a little further, we'll have a clearer vision of the whole art work.

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and a whole bunch of information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. Until then, something can be staring us right under our nose but we don't see it. The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything got worst. Take the frog principle for example. 

Try placing Frog A in a pot of boiling water. What happens? He twerps! He jumps off! Why? Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment and the waters temperature. Then try Frog B: place him in a luke warm water, then turn the gas stove on. Wait til the water reaches a certain boiling point. Frog B then thinks Ooh! it's a bit warm in here!

People are like Frog B in general. Today, You may think someone hates you. Tomorrow, The different person walks up to you and tell you he hates you. You may stay the same and can't mind what his friends says.

We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. When do we realize that we need to change diets? When none of our jeans and shirts would fit us. When do we stop eating candies and chocolates? When all of our teeth has fallen off. When do we realize that we need to stop smoking? When our lungs have gone bad. When do we pray and ask for help? When we realize that we're going to die tomorrow.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realized its for our own good.

Happy people don't just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don't have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement. Unlocking your self improvement power means unlocking yourself up in the cage of thought that it's just the way I am. It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. Most of us program our minds like computers. 

You repeatedly telling everyone that You don't have the guts to be around groups of people. You heard your mom, your dad, your sister, your teachers telling the same things about you to other people. Over the years, that is what you believed. You believed it's your story. And what happens? Every time a great crowd would troop over your house, in school, and in the community, you tends to step back, shy away and lock yourself up in a room. You didn't only believed in your story, you lived it. 

You now have to realize that you are not what you are in your story. Instead of having your story post around your face for everyone to remember, you have to have the spirit and show people I am an important person and I should be treated accordingly!

Self improvement may not be everybody's favorite word, but if we look at things in a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process instead of counting the days until we are fully improved. Three sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books instead of looking at porns will shape up a more profound knowledge, going out with friends and peers will help you take a step back from work and unwind. And just when you are enjoying the whole process of unlocking your self improvement power, you'll realize that you're beginning to take things light and become happy.

Thank you.

Happy new Year 2018.

What can Meditation do with your Personal Excellence

Meditation And Personal Excellence?

Meditation refers to a state where your body and mind are consciously relaxed and focused. Practitioners of this art report increased awareness, focus, and concentration, as well as a more positive outlook in life. Meditation is most commonly associated with monks, mystics and other spiritual disciplines. However, you don't have to be a monk or mystic to enjoy its benefits. And you don't even have to be in a special place to practice it. You could even try it in your own living room!

Although there are many different approaches to meditation, the fundamental principles remain the same. The most important among these principles is that of removing obstructive, negative, and wandering thoughts and fantasies, and calming the mind with a deep sense of focus. This clears the mind of debris and prepares it for a higher quality of activity.

The negative thoughts you have and those of noisy neighbors, bossy office mates, relationship, and unwanted spam are said to contribute to the pollution of the mind, and shutting them out is allows for the cleaning of the mind so that it may focus on deeper, more meaningful thoughts.

Some practitioners even shut out all sensory input and no sights, no sounds, and nothing to touch and try to detach themselves from the commotion around them. You may now focus on a deep, profound thought if this is your goal. It may seem deafening at first, since we are all too accustomed to constantly hearing and seeing things, but as you continue this exercise you will find yourself becoming more aware of everything around you.

If you find the meditating positions you see on television threatening those with impossibly arched backs, and painful-looking contortions you need not worry. The principle here is to be in a comfortable position conducive to concentration. This may be while sitting cross-legged, standing, lying down, and even walking.

If the position allows you to relax and focus, then that would be a good starting point. While sitting or standing, the back should be straight, but not tense or tight. In other positions, the only no-no is slouching and falling asleep. Loose, comfortable clothes help a lot in the process since tight fitting clothes have a tendency to choke you up and make you feel tense.

The place you perform meditation should have a soothing atmosphere. It may be in your living room, or bedroom, or any place that you feel comfortable in. You might want an exercise mat if you plan to take on the more challenging positions (if you feel more focused doing so, and if the contortionist in you is screaming for release). You may want to have the place arranged so that it is soothing to your senses.

Silence helps most people relax and meditate, so you may want a quiet, isolated area far from the ringing of the phone or the other noisy machines. Pleasing scents also help in that regard, so stocking up on aromatic candles isn't such a bad idea either. The monks you see on television making those monotonous sounds are actually performing their mantra. This, in simple terms, is a short creed, a simple sound which, for these practitioners, holds a mystic value.

You do not need to perform such; however, it would pay to note that focusing on repeated actions such as breathing, and humming help the practitioner enter a higher state of consciousness. The principle here is focus. You could also try focusing on a certain object or thought, or even, while keeping your eyes open, focus on a single sight.

One sample routine would be to, while in a meditative state and silently name every part of you body and focusing your consciousness on that part. While doing this you should be aware of any tension on any part of your body. Mentally visualize releasing this tension. It works wonders. In all, meditation is a relatively risk-free practice and its benefits are well worth the effort.

Studies have shown that meditation does bring about beneficial physiologic effects to the body. And there has been a growing consensus in the medical community to further study the effects of such. So in the near future, who knows, that mystical, esoteric thing we call meditation might become a science itself!

Reuben Koikai

#Meditate everyday.

UNDERSTAND WHO BRINGS YOU DOWN

UNDERSTAND WHO BRINGS YOU DOWN

The things around you are not just the ones that can bring you down. Sometimes, there are certain types of people who will discourage you and make you think and see life in a negative way. Sadly, seeing things negatively leaves no room for your positive sides to grow. These people will sometimes pass unkind remarks or do things just to stop you from succeeding and surpassing what you have attained.

The negative vibes that these people bring can add more misery to your life. That is why it is important that you are aware of the people who will be happy to see you live as a pessimistic person. It would be better if you ignore these persons and be strong enough to move one from them. Ignoring them does not mean that you hate them, it just means that you care more about your well-being than their opinions and criticisms.

The following are the people who can bring you down and make happiness harder for you to experience:

1: IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE

There are people who are really hard to please. Sometimes, it is better to accept the fact that you will never please them no matter what you do that keep on exerting effort to something that you know from the start that it will not deliver positive results.

At some point in your life, you will meet people who will treat you badly, disrespect you, and discredit you for no particular reason. The best thing that you can do in this kind of situation is to simply walk away. Do not have to consumer yourself trying harder just to win their approval especially if you already tried that before but they are still not pleased.

2: FAKE FRIENDS

Friends are the ones whom we can rely on in times when we needed a shoulder to cry on. They become your siblings by faith. Unfortunately, there are also people who pretend to be your friend when in fact they only treat you as one because you are beneficial to them. Fake friends only remember you when they need your help. For this reason, it is essential that you are careful when choosing people whom you will include in your circle of friends.

It also pays to know the qualities of friends who can bring you down instead of helping you get up after failing. “Fake” friends will not accept you for who you are no matter how hard to you try to fit in.

They want to see you get in trouble and do something wrong. This type of friends also turns their back on you and brings you down by not being there when you needed them the most and by not staying true to their promises.

3: BULLIES

Bullies make the life of people more complicated. They prioritize their needs and feeling over the people around then. Bullies use their negativity to scare and intimidate you as well as manipulate your thoughts. They will say and do anything to make you do what they want you to do for them. They manipulate people for their own personal gain.

4: UNFORGIVING PEOPLE

All people make mistakes. What’s important is that you take an effort to correct such mistake, learn from it, and think of ways on how you can prevent yourself from committing the same mistake. However, there are people who find it hard to forgive those who did something wrong to them or do not support you in your goal of growing beyond your past mistakes.

Use your past mistakes as your guide when living in the present and planning for your future. If the people around you constantly judge you based on the mistakes that you have committed in the past or use such mistakes to hold it against you and use them to bring you down, it would be best if you leave them behind.

5: DRAMA QUEEN

Yes! Drama queens can also bring you down. They are the type of people who always want to create controversy and outlandish antics for no apparent reason. The ideal thing that you can do if you happen to personally know a drama queen is to ignore them and just walk-away.

You have to do your best to make sure that you do not fall into their antics. Deal with them in a calmer and more confident manner as you do not want to stir up your own controversy. When possible, you can show them how to manage different problems in life. Instead of allowing them to bring you down, be the one who inspire, educate, and encourage people to always practice compassion and understanding.

6: PEOPLE WHO INSIST THAT YOU SHOULD BE SOMEONE ELSE

Be proud of who you are! You have to create your own identity and not the one that is copied from others. There is no better feelings than to know that the people around you accept you for who you are and not the one they want you to become.

Unfortunately, there are people who do not see and appreciate the developments that you made for yourself that speak of who you really are. They keep on insisting that you will become a better person if you become someone else. Of all people, it is you who knows what is best for you. You can experience real success, love, and happiness if you chose to be who you are and not a second version of someone else.

Let the people around you love and respect you for who you are, and do not conform to please them or feel threatened if you do not become who they want to be.

7: YOURSELF

That is right! Even your own self can bring you down! Self-criticism is often associate with anxiety, depression, and unhappiness. Your value as a person does not come from who you are not but in who you are.

Stop criticizing yourself! You may not be as good as what other people are. But there is something SPECIAL and UNIQUE about you that they do not have.

Everyone is different from each other. That is why you have to stop making comparisons. Just accept and enjoy what you have. Your flaws is part of your individuality. Let it not be the reason as to why you should become your biggest inner critic.

WHEN IS ENOUGH TO THE POINT WHEN ENOUGH DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE?

WHAT IS ENOUGH

I don't know anyone who hasn't wished for more than they have or at least, very few. And, those few who said they had enough were usually people who had already lived a full life and amassed a substantial amount of money so they never had to worry about paying their bills or living the way they wanted. 

But, is this really what is meant by having enough? 

MISSING LIFE'S JOYS 

To have enough for some people never comes. 

They never seem to be happy with what they have always moaning about somebody they know who has more money, or a bigger house, or a newer car, or who goes on regular exotic vacations. For these people, I am truly sorry. 

They have missed a great deal that life has to offer by seemingly looking for more to make them happy. But, I doubt that happiness will ever find them no matter how much they have. 

HAPPINESS BEYOND WEALTH 

For others, having enough means that they live comfortably; they live a lifestyle that befits their monetary means but this does not mean that they suffer.

These type of people do not need the newest of everything being quite satisfied with a car that may be used and a couple of years old just glad that they have a dependable automobile to get them to where they need to go. 

It means that they enjoy a back yard BBQ just as much as if they were flying off to an exotic destination. They spend quality time with their family enjoying the comradeship and the little quarrels that spill over from time to time. 

They go to bed being grateful for what they have. 

NOT HAPPY AT ALL 

And, others may have had enough but decided that their lifestyle it brought what not really what they needed or wanted or indeed, what made them happy. 

These are the people who had the big salaries, had the company car, had all the conferences and offsite get a ways, who had the big house and the cottage by a remote lake. And, for all they had, they spent exactly that and then some. 

To these people, this kind of life was not satisfying because it was filled with a type of phoniness where you never really seemed to have friends in the truest sense, instead a whole bunch of acquaintances that you associated with because they were part of the role, expected as a team player or a corporate gopher. 

Now, on the other hand, there are thousands of people who think this is just what they always wanted. If this is the case and they are really happy, then good for them. 

But for all those others, when is enough to the point when enough doesn't mean anything anymore? 

I have a friend who had it all - a well paying job, a big house, the cottage that most people would love to have as a house! But he was truly unhappy. There were many who looked at him and couldn't understand why he was not the happiest man in the world. But as he said to me, "all these things are just material things, they don't bring true happiness." 

NOW IT IS YOUR DECISION 

The point is this, to have enough is something that only your inner self can explain. 

It is up to you to really decide what makes you happy and what is enough when it comes to your life, family, job and so forth. 

On the other hand, if you feel that enough is no longer what you value, then it is time to make a change to what you really want. Maybe this change requires you to move away from what you have been doing, take a new job or career direction or start your own business. 

Maybe it is time to have a hard look at your own values and see whether these values have been compromised over the years to the point where you need to make a big adjustment. 

Decide now before you end up forever searching for what is enough.

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THERE IS MUCH TO LEARN FROM EACH PERSON

THE BIGGEST PACKAGE

It is always interesting and revealing to observe human behavior and some behavior seems to be true to form more often than not. In the past years, we have always held a Christmas gift exchange at out house with at least ten of our family. Each year, we all buy gifts wrapped in Christmas paper. When everyone is sitting around a circle, all the gifts are piled in the middle of the floor. 

People choose a number from a bowl that tells him or her when they can take their turn to choose any gift. The person with the number one can choose any gift and thereafter, each person takes his or her turn. Before they choose a gift, they have the option of taking the gift from the former person. At the end when all numbers have taken or chosen a gift, the person-holding number one can then take a gift away from any other person.

What is always interesting is watching each person as they choose a gift. What happens next usually happens more often than not. The biggest gift always gets chosen first. It is never the smallest gift, nor is it the fanciest gift-wrapping. What does this tell us about most human behavior?

Is the biggest always the best or worth the most? Is it that we think that something small is not worth as much or cannot live up to our expectations? 

Human beings, in fact, come in all sorts of packaging and sizes where some are bigger, some smaller; some dressed eloquently, some dressed poorly. Behind every human trapping though lie unforeseen characteristics, talents, desires, hurts and pains and dreams. 

Now "Stop thinking in terms of limitations and start thinking in terms of possibilities."

Some of what we so often do is to under evaluate the potential of people who do not fit within our preconceived definition of what is normal or what we view as matching our expectations. It is similar to evaluating the choice of a gift where are previous experiences, desires, or wants far exceeding our current capacity to see beyond what is visually obvious.

The preconceptions that have formed our view of life can be limiting to the point where we are guilty of prejudging everyone we should happen to meet whether in a work situation or in our own personal lives. 

The real challenge for all of us is to expand our own capacities to see beyond what our previous prejudices allow us to see. This means that we need to open our minds to the fullness of each person; their opinions, their attributes; their potential. 

There is much to learn from each person we meet through life. There is also the opportunity to learn, to give, to share, to help, to inform. 

After all, we grow as people the more we destroy our current narrow views, and give ourselves permission to be challenged, to be wrong, to be humble, to accept that differences are neither bad nor good.

WHAT KINDNESS CAN DO WITH YOU

A LITTLE BIT OF KINDNESS

There are times in our life when we don't take action because we feel the act of kindness is too little, that it wouldn't make a difference. However, sometimes the smallest gesture can make a huge impact on someone's life. There are many different ways we can show kindness to others, and it doesn't have to be in a big way.

The simplest of things may make the difference. A smile, a door being held open, a handwritten note, a kind word, the list can go on and on.

I was recently reading some of emails I receive from my friends and came across the story of The Lion and The Mouse. While this story has been around for a long time sent by one friend, it still has wisdom in its words.

This is the story:

One day a Lion was asleep when a little Mouse began running up and down his back; this soon wakened the Lion, who placed his huge paw upon him, and opened his big jaws to swallow him.

"Please don't," cried the little Mouse: "forgive me this time, I shall never forget it: who knows but what I may be able to do you a turn some of these days?"

The Lion was so tickled at the idea of the Mouse being able to help him that he lifted up his paw and let him go.

Some time after the Lion was caught in a trap, he pulled with all his might, but the ropes were too strong. Just then the little Mouse happened to pass by, and seeing the sad plight, in which the Lion was, went up to him, and with his sharp little teeth gnawed away the ropes, setting the Lion free.

"You once laughed at me," said the mouse. You thought I was too little to do you a good turn. But see, you owe your life to a poor little mouse." End if the story

While you may think the story is far fetched, the point I found in reading the story is not the size of the action that is important, but the difference that a small action made. Small acts of kindness makes a difference in ways you may not realize!

Do you have opportunities to give small acts of kindness? Some people might think that they do not have a chance to show another person a small measure of kindness but these opportunities are everywhere you go through the day.

For example, if you ride on a bus, have you ever said good morning to the bus driver or do you just ignore him or her and proceed to your seat? A simple good morning or good afternoon tells the person that you acknowledge them and it is even an acknowledgement that can help to brighten a day.

If you drive a car anywhere, do you let someone enter into to traffic or do you just keep driving inching along and ignoring the other driver? Stop and wave the other driver into traffic ahead of you is a small gesture of kindness that may influence this driver to do the same for someone else later.

When you go to the supermarket or store, do you hold the door open for a young woman holding her baby or do you just dart ahead through the door without stopping? 

When you are at work or classroom, do you say good morning to your colleagues or do you just go about your business without acknowledging their presence?

Or, how about those people you meet on the street that ask for money or who are peddling various goods? Do you ignore them, or give them no acknowledgement that they are also human and have feelings?

In democratic ages men rarely sacrifice themselves for another, but they show a general compassion for all the human race. One never sees them inflict pointless suffering, and they are glad to relieve the sorrows of others when they can do so without much trouble to themselves. They are not disinterested, but they are gentle.

If you were busy being kind, Before you knew it, you would find soon forget to think it was true that someone was unkind to you and If you were busy being glad, And cheering people who are sad, Although your heart might ache a bit, You'd soon forget to notice it..Love and kindness are never wasted. They always make a difference. They bless the one who receives them, and they bless you, the giver.

KEEP NURTURING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

POWER THROUGH THE PEOPLE

Have you come across a person who is so naturally friendly that when you put him inside a room of strangers, he'll be friends with almost everyone in no time? We call such a people-person, someone unbelievably nice and charismatic that he can charm anyone into doing anything.

A socially-empowered person achieves so much greatness, basically because of the people that catapult him to success. He earns the trust and all-out support of the people, whom he had helped before. He never runs out of help. He can do anything with the plethora of people behind him. All because he knows he maximizes his social potential!

See, if you know your social skills and you make use of them, you will reach self-empowerment. Self-empowerment is making a general overhaul in your life and turning yourself into a happier and more successful person.If you can be one of those people-persons, then I can't see any reason why you will not succeed. You just have to know how to start.

1. BE GENUINE.

Hypocrisy will just bring you all the way down. Be genuinely nice and interested to people. Once they perceive that you are Mr. Hypocrite with selfish intentions, you might as well say goodbye to self-empowerment.

2. BE THE GREATEST LISTENER THAT YOU CAN BE.

To earn the love and trust of the people, listen to their problems and sympathize with them. Do not just hear them out, listen to them with your heart. Make eye contact when the person talks to you. Listen as if every word matters, and it does. Brownie points when they find out that there is a confidante in you. ( I think this is the most of the rewritten point in this Blog.) 

3. LAUGH OUT LOUD.

I do not mean that you force yourself to laugh for every joke cracked by someone, albeit you do not find it funny at all.This means finding humor in things and not being too darn serious. A person oozing with an awesome sense of humor attracts crowds and eventually, attracts success.

4. DON'T FORGET YOURSELF.

In the process of fluttering around like a social butterfly, you might forget yourself, allowing everyone to push you over. Remember, love and value yourself before anyone else. If you deem yourself respectable and worthy of affection, people will flock to you and not trample on you.

5. DO RANDOM ACTS OF KINDNESS.

Little acts of kindness matters the most, and this can be as simple as giving someone a surprise you-take-care card or helping an elderly cross the street. When I was a kindergarten student, kindness was taught to us and greatly practiced ( I guess in your school too). Now is the time to revive the good deeds and this time, let them stay for good.

6. CONTACT YOUR OLD FRIENDS.

Sad how some friendships are destined to goodbye, but thanks to technology, you can do something about it. Relive the good old days by flipping your year book and look for the great people whom you want to communicate with again. Adding these old friends to your roster of support peers will surely make you feel good all over. 

7. BE CONFIDENT.

Be able to stride to the other corner of the room and introduce yourself to people with that winning smile of yours. Just remember: be confident, not arrogant.

8. PRACTICE CONTROL.

When angry, don't snap at anyone. Never throw a tantrum. Stay calm and collected. Be adult enough to take control of situation and transform your anger into something more productive and passive. As soon as people think your anger goes to volcanic proportions easily, they will find it hard to come to you.

9. KEEP NURTURING YOUR RELATIONSHIPS.

Your relationship with your family, friends and significant others is too precious that you must not neglect it whatever happens. Go out and have fun with them. Do things together. Happiness will never fly from your side as long as the people who matter the most are close to you.

In the end, using people for self-empowerment means becoming a better and more lovable person. It's a win-win situation: the people know they can turn to you anytime and vice versa.

Reuben Koikai

LET THE WRONG ONES GO.

SAY LESS WHEN LESS MEANS MORE

Healthy relationships are accomplishments. They take commitment and work, and two people who are willing to meet in the middle and put in the necessary effort. People are lonely because they build walls instead of bridges.

If you’re in a relationship, intimate or platonic, Read and get some help.

1.  LET GO OF OLD WOUNDS THROUGH FORGIVENESS.

Every moment of your life you are either growing or dying, and when you are physically healthy, it’s a choice, not fate. The art of maintaining happiness in your life and relationships relies on the fine balancing act of holding on and letting go. Yes, sometimes people you trust (including yourself) will hurt you. Being hurt is something you can’t avoid, but being continuously miserable is always a choice. Forgiveness is the remedy. You have to let go of what’s behind you before you can grasp the goodness in front of you.

2.  COME CLEAN WHEN YOU MAKE A MISTAKE.

An honest heart is the beginning of everything that is right with this world. The most honorable people of all are not those who never make mistakes, but those who admit to them when they do, and then go on and do their best to right the wrongs they’ve made. In the end, being honest might not always win you a lot of friends and lovers, but it will always keep the right ones in your life.

3. STOP GOSSIPING AND START COMMUNICATING.

A good rule of thumb: If you can’t say it to their face, you shouldn’t say it behind their back. As one of the writers once said, “Great minds discuss ideas, average minds discuss events, and small minds discuss people.”  Life is much too short to waste talking about people, gossiping, and stirring up trouble that has no substance.  If you don’t know, ask. If you don’t agree, say so. If you don’t like it, speak up. But never judge people behind their back.

4.  GIVE OTHERS THE SPACE TO MAKE THEIR OWN DECISIONS.

Stop judging others by your own past. Never act, judge, or treat people like you know them better than they know themselves. They are living a different life than you are. What might be good for one person may not be good for another (experience). What might be bad for one person might change another person’s life for the better (Life is never static). Allow the people in your life to make their own mistakes and their own decisions.

5.  DO THINGS THAT MAKE YOU HAPPY.

If you want to awaken happiness in any of your relationship, start by living a life that makes you happy and then radiate your happiness into your relationship. If you want to eliminate suffering in a relationship, start by eliminating the dark and negative parts of yourself, and then radiate your positivity into your relationship. Truly, the greatest power you have in this world is the power of your own self-transformation. All the positive change you seek in any relationship starts with the one in the mirror. Remember Happiness is a choice that requires effort at times.

6.  SHOW YOUR LOVED ONES YOUR KINDNESS IN SMALL WAYS EVERY DAY.

One of my best sayings is “No act of kindness, however small, is ever wasted.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth. Always be kinder than necessary. You never know what someone is going through. Sometimes you have to be kind to someone, not because they’re being nice, but because you are. Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around.

7.  SAY LESS WHEN LESS MEANS MORE.

It takes some courage to stand up and speak; it takes even more courage to open your mind and listen. Pay attention and be a good listener (I once wrote in my previous posts about the Discipline of listening). Your ears will never get you in trouble. The people in your life often need a listening ear more than they need a rambling voice.  And don’t listen with the intent to reply; hear what is being said with the intent to understand. You are as beautiful as the love you give, and you are as wise as the silence you leave behind.

8.  LET YOUR LOVE AND TRUST OVERPOWER YOUR FEAR.

You never lose by loving; you lose by holding back. No relationship is impossible until you refuse to give it a chance. Love means giving someone the chance to hurt you, but trusting them not to. Without this trust, a relationship cannot survive. You cannot just believe what you fear from others; you have to believe in the good faith of others. If you are ever going to have someone trust you, you must feel that you can trust them too.

9.  ACCEPT, DON’T EXPECT.

Unconditional acceptance is something we want, but rarely ever give out.  Remember, people never do anything that is out of character. They may do things that go against your expectations, but what people do reveals exactly who they are. Never force your expectations on people, other than the expectation that they will be exactly who they are. Who they are is not what they say or what you have come to expect, it is who they reveal themselves to be. Either you accept them as they are, or you move on without them.

10.  LET THE WRONG ONES GO.

Know your worth! When you give your time to someone who doesn’t respect you, you surrender pieces of your heart you will never get back. All failed relationships hurt, but losing someone who doesn’t appreciate and respect you is actually a gain, not a loss. Some people come into your life temporarily simply to teach you something. They come and they go and they make a difference. It’s perfectly okay that they’re not in your life anymore. You now have more time to focus on the relationships that truly matter. Some people come into our lives and leave footprints on our hearts and we are never ever the same.

Remember,  True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent. This is to say even the healthiest relationships have small flaws.  Being too black and white about the quality and health of a relationship spells trouble.  Accept the fact that there will always be difficulties present, but you can still focus on the good.  Instead of constantly looking for signs of what’s not working in your relationship, what you need to do is look for signs of what is, and then use this as a solid foundation to build upon. True friends are those who, when you make a fool of yourself, don't believe that this condition is permanent.

Reuben Koikai.

'RELATIONSHIP' = 'SMART COMMUNICATION'

Most of peoples relationships do collapse because of poor communication skills that people do have. You are your own witness on how you communicate to other people, how you value them, how you care and give time to them.

Now! I want you to develop your relationship by communicating smartly.

1. Give Respect 

Give respect to everyone. Sometimes, a simple smile from you can make the entire day of someone. Never forget to thank any person who done something small for you, or your friend. Give a bright smile to your colleagues as well as the others around you. You would start feeling the change from the next day itself. When you are happy, the world will also be happy for you. Moreover, when you respect someone, you are in least danger of hurting him/her and there is the score for you. So, stick to this motto and see the world changing around you.

2. Be Sympathetic

We, as human beings, are given the power of understanding and if we don't integrate it in our life, how can we expect to justify our humane side. Everyone wants sympathy, especially when he/she has gone through a really bad phase in life. Don't you love it when your friend sympathizes with your grilling schedule at work, college,home or else where? So, don't be a miser for words and let people know that you care.

3. Humor Mechanism

Everyone likes funny people. Integrate humor in your life and try to search the sunny - side up in everything. You would soon find the ultimate secret of being happy. Tell jokes, poke harmless fun, and see the gloomy mood changing in an instant. However, refrain from sarcasm, as only a few of us can really pull it off without hurting someone's feeling. Stick to light humor instead.

4. Be Confident

For sweet talking, being sympathetic alone is not enough. You also need confidence. Don't let yourself be cast out as too mellow or pushover, as the world will start using you then. Be a confident and levelheaded person, who knows what he/she is doing. Make sure the world knows it too. Don't give anyone a chance to take advantage of you or typecasting you a patsy or a softy.

5. Flirt A Little

A little flattery never hurts! Be the first one to notice the positive change in a person and compliment on it. For instance, if your colleague is donning a new shirt, don't forget to shower an admiring compliment on him/her. Congratulate your colleagues on successfully finishing a project. A little flirting with your client can help seal your success. However, never ever give a cheap remark or go over the top in flattery.

6. Be Spontaneous

Whenever you say something, make sure that it doesn't look like a prepared speech or something well thought of (in advance). It should come out in a spontaneous manner, giving a genuine appearance to your words. If you are a serious person, who doesn't talk much, it's time for you to open up. You can practice with your friends and family members and then employ it elsewhere too.

Doing all these can help you to strengthen your relationship with your family, friends and society at large.

ANY QUESTIONS!?

HOW DOES IT FEELS WHEN YOU ARE NOT FORGIVEN?

Practice of Forgiveness

The height of self-discipline in spiritual development is the practice of forgiveness. The Law of Forgiveness says that “you are mentally and emotionally healthy to the degree that you can freely forgive anyone who has hurt you in any way.”

Every person—including you—has experienced destructive criticism, negative treatment, unkindness, rudeness, unfairness, betrayal, and dishonesty from others over the years. These events are unfortunate, but they are an inevitable and unavoidable part of being a member of the human race. 

The only way you can avoid the problems and difficulties of living in a busy society with many different kinds of people is to live in a cave.

The only question you need to ask and answer after you have had a negative experience is “How long will it take me to get over this event and get on with my life?” This is a decision only you can make. It is one of the most important types of decisions that you make in your own life if you truly want to be happy. What’s more, it is a true test of your mental and spiritual discipline.

Dear reader, Each person has a “Forgetting Curve,” or what is often called a “Forgiveness Curve.” This curve

measures how quickly you forgive and forget a negative experience, and it determines how mentally and emotionally healthy you really are.

Imagine a rectangle with a scale from zero to one hundred ascending the left side of the rectangle. This is the scale of the intensity of the negative emotion you experience when you are hurt or offended in some way. Across the bottom of this graph are the months and years of your life.

You can have either a flat forgiveness curve or a steep, downward sloping forgiveness curve. If your forgiveness curve is flat, this means that you continue to be angry for a long time, sometimes for years or even decades at the same level as when the event occurred.

There are countless people who are still angry about something one of their parents did or said to them decades ago. Furthermore, they will tell you about it at the drop of a hat. They will reach into their gunnysack of unforgiving events and pull out their childhood experiences and share them with you.

Every psychologist and psychiatrist who deal with unhappy people are employed because their patients have flat forgiveness curves. Their primary conversation in therapy is talking about what someone did or didn’t do to them or for them at some point in the past and how unhappy that person still feels about it today.

As i am writing this to you, I have only one advice to you "get over it and get on with it" Truly healthy people, on the other hand, have downward sloping forgiveness curves. They have had just as many difficulties and problems in life as anyone else, but they have disciplined themselves by resolving to forgive and forget quickly so they can get on with their lives. They refuse to gunnysack their problems and carry them forward. They simply let them go and turn their attention to the things that make them happy.

The discipline of forgiveness is the key to the spiritual kingdom. It is only possible for you to enjoy high levels of peace of mind when you develop the habit and discipline of freely forgiving other people for everything and anything that they have done to hurt you.

I also want to remind you that, "forgiveness is selfish" Some people are confused about the concept of forgiveness. They think that forgiving someone else for having hurt them is the same as condoning that behavior, or even approving of it. Quite the contrary.

Forgiveness is a purely selfish act. Forgiveness has nothing whatever to do with the other person. You forgive others so that you yourself can be emotionally free, so that you no longer carry that baggage around with you. You have a wonderful mind. You are incredibly intelligent and insightful. You can use your mind on your behalf in order to help you to be JOYOUS and HAPPY or you can use it against yourself.

The way you use your mind at the highest level is to find reasons to forgive others. Instead of rehashing and dissecting a past event, looking for rationalizations, justifications, and reasons to take something personally, use your intelligence to find reasons to accept responsibility and let go of the negative situation.

Now my friend Accept Responsibility and Forgive. The instant you accept responsibility and forgive everyone for anything that they ever did to hurt you in any way, you liberate yourself completely. All your negative emotions disappear. In place of your negative emotions, you experience a sense of inner peace, love, happiness, and joy.

The payoff for using your self-discipline to practice forgiveness on an ongoing basis is extraordinary. When you use your incredible abilities of self-control, self-mastery, and detachment to separate yourself emotionally from situations that would otherwise make you unhappy, the entire quality of your life improves in a wonderful way.

#forgive.