SEVEN WAYS TO MAKE PEOPLE FEEL IMPORTANT
The key to excellent relationships with others is quite simple: Make them feel important. To the
degree to which you can make other people feel important—starting with the members of your family
and then extending outward to your friends—you will become one of the most popular people in your world.
There are seven ways to make other people feel important. These are simple practices that you can
learn through repetition.
1. ACCEPT PEOPLE THE WAY THEY ARE: One of the deepest cravings of human nature is to be accepted by other people without judgment, evaluation, or criticism. Psychologists call this behavior
“unconditional positive regard.” This is when you accept the other person completely, without
reservation, for exactly the way he or she is.
Because most people are judgmental and critical, to be unconditionally accepted by another person
raises that person’s self-esteem, reinforces his or her self-image, and makes that person feel happy
about him or herself.
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When you look at other people and give them a genuine smile, they feel happier about themselves.
Their self-esteem goes up. They feel more valuable and important.
When you stop thinking about yourself and the impression you are making on others and instead
start thinking about others and the impression they are making on you, you can relax. You take a deep
breath and just smile at people when you meet them and greet them both at home and at work. It is one of the most powerful self-esteem and relationship-building behaviours you can do. Smiling at people makes them feel important and valuable.
2. SHOW YOUR APPRECIATION FOR OTHERS: Whenever you appreciate another person for anything that he or she has done or said, you raise that person’s self-esteem and make him or her feel more important. Expressions of appreciation—from small nods and smiles all the way through to cards,
letters, and gifts—raise people’s self-esteem and cause them to like themselves more. As a result, by
the Law of Indirect Effort, they will like you more as well.
The simplest way to express appreciation is to simply say, “Thank you.” The words “thank you”
are deeply appreciated in any language, anywhere in the world. I have travelled in some countries and in Tanzania so many regions (almost all regions), and the very first thing I do is learn the words for “please” and “thank you.” Each time you use those words, people brighten up, smile, and feel happy to be in your presence.
Every time you say thank you, it has an almost magical effect on the other person. It makes him feel
important and far happier about being in your presence and helping you with anything you need.
3. BE AGREEABLE: The most welcomed people in every situation are those who are generally
agreeable and positive with others. On the other hand, argumentative people who question, complain,
and disagree are seldom welcome anywhere.
When you nod, smile, and agree with another person when he or she is talking or expressing an
opinion, you make that person feel intelligent, respected, valuable, and important. When you are
agreeable with another person, even if he says something with which you may not be in complete
accord, you make that person feel happy to be in your presence.
In my school as a leader and an upcoming professional speaker, I meet thousands of people each year. They come up to me and often express opinions on subjects on which I am often well informed and they obviously are not. Sometimes they say ridiculous things that are either not true or make no sense.
In every case, however, I smile and agree, nodding and asking them questions and listening to them
express their ideas and opinions. They go away feeling that they have had a good conversation with
the leader, mentor or speaker and that I probably agree with them. It costs me nothing and it makes them happy. It makes them feel important.
4. SHOW YOUR ADMIRATION: People usually invest a lot of personal emotion in their possessions,
traits, and accomplishments. When you admire something belonging to another person, it makes him/her feel happy about her/himself. As Abraham Lincoln said, “Everybody likes a compliment.”
Express your admiration for people’s appearance and specific items of their clothing or dress. Men
are especially complimented when you say something nice about their ties or their shoes. Women
enjoy being complimented about their hair or any other item of their appearance. People spend a lot of time putting themselves together before they go out.
You can also compliment a person’s traits or characteristics, saying things such as, “You are
certainly persistent.” People invest their entire lives developing traits and qualities, especially
positive qualities and they feel flattered when you notice and compliment them on those qualities.
Compliment a person’s accomplishments. Tell people how much you admire their appearance, talks, speeches, behaviours or performance and attitude or the discipline they have built or the position they have achieved in that business/school.
5. PAY ATTENTION TO OTHERS: Perhaps the most powerful way to raise another person’s self-esteem is to listen to him attentively when he speaks. I am explaining how listening to a person while he talks on any subject in a way that is focused is perceived as charming behaviour.
The key to great listening is for you to ask questions and then hang on every word of the answers.
When the person slows down or comes to the end of a statement, ask another question. Lean forward
attentively. Listen without interrupting. Listen as though what the person is saying is the smartest and
most interesting thing you have ever heard.
When people are attentively listened to, their brain releases endorphins. As a result, they feel
happy about themselves. Their self-esteem goes up. What’s more, they associate this happy feeling
with being in your presence. From this, a person will like you more and find you a more interesting
and intelligent person.
6. NEVER CRITICIZE, CONDEMN, OR COMPLAIN ABOUT ANYTHING, WHETHER IT BE DIRECTLY OR INDIRECTLY.
Never do or say anything that lowers a person’s self-esteem or makes him feel less important or
valuable. Refuse to gossip or discuss other people in a negative way. Never say anything about a
person that you would not say to his face.
The most harmful force in all of human relationships is destructive criticism. It lowers a person’s
self-esteem, makes him feel angry and defensive, and causes him to dislike the source. So never
complain about people or situations that you don’t like.
The most common word to describe the most popular people in every field is the word “nice.”
When you think of a book that you like to red or a place you like to visit, you always think of the people there as being “nice.” Whenever you recommend or refer someone to someone else, you always mention that he or she is a “nice person.
In sales and business, the nice people are always the most successful. People like to buy from
them, buy again, and then recommend them to their friends. People enjoy seeing nice people, and they look forward to seeing them again.
When asked what they mean by the word “nice,” people say that he or she is “cheerful.” The more
positive you are, the more cheerful you are likely to be. The more cheerful you are, the nicer
personality you will have. The nicer personality you have, the more people will look forward to
seeing you and being around you.
7. BE COURTEOUS, CONCERNED, AND CONSIDERATE OF EVERYONE YOU MEET:
Think of these as “the three Cs” and practice them with everyone you meet.
When you treat a person with courtesy and respect, he or she feels more valuable and important.
As a result of making a person feel more valuable and respected, that person will in turn value and
respect you even more as well.
When you express concern about things that are happening in a person’s life, he warms up to you
and likes you more. When a person has a difficult situation and you express your concern or
compassion, you touch his/her heart. You connect with his/heremotions. Through this, you make yourself a more likable person.
Consideration is the third of the three Cs. When you practice consideration, you discipline
yourself to do and say things to people that makes them feel more valuable and important.
Mc Koikai
