ACCEPT YOUR TRUE SELF

EVERYONE IS UNIQUE IN HIS OWN WAY

Sometimes, when all our doubts, fears and insecurities wrap ourselves up, we always come up with the idea of I wish I was somebody else. More often than not, we think and believe that someone or rather, most people are better than us.- when in reality, the fact is, most people are more scared than us.

You spot a totally eye-catching girl sitting by herself at a party, casually sipping on a glass of Asti Spumanti. You think to yourself, she looks so perfectly calm and confident. But if you could read through her transparent mind, you would see a bunch of clouds of thoughts and you might just be amazed that she is thinking "are people talking about why I am seated here alone?..." Why don't guys find me attractive? Or they don't like my ankles, they look too skinny I wish I was as intelligent as my best friend.

We look at a young business entrepreneur and say Wooh what else could he ask for? He stares at himself at the mirror and murmur to himself, I hate my big eyes I wonder why my friends won't talk to me, I hope mom and dad would still work things out.

Isn't it funny? We look at other people, envy them for looking so outrageously perfect and wish we could trade places with them, while they look at us and thinks of the same thing. We are insecure of other people who themselves are insecure of us. We suffer from low self-esteem, lack of self-confidence and lose hope in self improvement because we are enveloped in quiet desperation.

Sometimes, you notice that you have an irritating habit like biting off your finger nails, having a foul mouth.

I have a friend who never gets tired of talking. And in most conversations, she is the only one who seems to be interested in the things she has to say. So all of our other friends tend to avoid the circles whenever she is around, and she doesn't notices how badly she became socially handicapped and gradually affecting the people in her environment.

One key to self improvement is to LISTEN and TALK to a trusted friend. Find someone who you find comfort in opening up with even the most gentle topics you want to discuss.

Ask questions like:-
Do you think I am ill-mannered?
Do I always sound so argumentative?
Do I talk too loud?,
Does my breath smell?
Do I ever bore you when were together?.

In this way, the other person will obviously know that you are interested in the process of self improvement. Lend her/him your ears for comments and criticisms and don't give them answers like "Don't exaggerate!" Or "That's just the way I am!" Open up your mind and heart as well. And in return, you may want to help your friend with constructive criticism that will also help them improve themselves.

Remember, you cannot give what you do not have. Before telling other people some ways on how to improve themselves, let them see that you yourself is a representation and a product of self improvement. Self improvement makes us better people, we then inspire other people, and then the rest of the world will follow.

Stop thinking of yourselves as second-rate beings. Forget the repetitive thought of "If only I was richer" or "If only I was thinner" and so on. Accepting your true self is the first step to self improvement. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others only to find out at the end that we have got 100 more reasons to envy them.

We all have our insecurities. Nobody is perfect. We always wish we had better things, better features, better body parts, etc. But life need not to be perfect for people to be happy about themselves. Self improvement and loving yourself is not a matter of shouting to the whole world that you are perfect and you are the best. It's the virtue of acceptance and contentment. When we begin to improve ourselves, we then begin to feel contented and happy.

Reuben Koikai.

NEXT TIME YOU SEE A PROBLEM YOU THINK YOU CAN NOT SOLVE, THINK AGAIN

Adventures in Creative Thinking

How many times have you caught yourself saying that there could be no other solution to a problem and that problem leads to a dead end? How many times have you felt stumped knowing that the problem laying before you is one you cannot solve. No leads. No options. No solutions. 

Did it feel like you had exhausted all possible options and yet are still before the mountain large, unconquerable, and impregnable? When encountering such enormous problems, you may feel like you're hammering against a steel mountain. The pressure of having to solve such a problem may be overwhelming.

But rejoice! There might be some hope yet!

With some creative problem-solving techniques you may be able to look at your problem in a different light. And that light might just be the end of the tunnel that leads to possible solutions.

First of all, in the light of creative problem-solving, you must be open-minded to the fact that there may be more than just one solution to the problem. And, you must be open to the fact that there may be solutions to problems you thought were unsolvable.

Now, with this optimistic mindset, we can try to be a little bit more creative in solving our problems.

Number one; May be the reason we cannot solve our problems is that we have not really taken a hard look at what the problem is. Here, trying to understanding the problem and having a concrete understanding of its workings is integral solving the problem. If you know how it works, what the problem is, then you have a better foundation towards solving the problem.

Not trying to make the simple statement of what problem is. Try to identify the participating entities and what their relationships with one another are. Take note of the things you stand to gain any stand to lose from the current problem. Now you have a simple statement of what the problem is.

Number two; Try to take note of all of the constraints and assumptions you have the words of problem. Sometimes it is these assumptions that obstruct our view of possible solutions. You have to identify which assumptions are valid, in which assumptions need to be addressed.

Number three; Try to solve the problem by parts. Solve it going from general view towards the more detailed parts of the problem. This is called the top-down approach. Write down the question, and then come up with a one-sentence solution to that from them. The solution should be a general statement of what will solve the problem. From here you can develop the solution further, and increase its complexity little by little.

Number four; Although it helps to have critical thinking aboard as you solve a problem, you must also keep a creative, analytical voice at the back of your head. When someone comes up with a prospective solution, tried to think how you could make that solution work. Try to be creative. At the same time, look for chinks in the armor of that solution.

Number five; It pays to remember that there may be more than just one solution being developed at one time. Try to keep track of all the solutions and their developments. Remember, there may be more than just one solution to the problem.

Number six; Remember that old adage," two heads are better than one." That one is truer than it sounds. Always be open to new ideas. You can only benefit from listening to all the ideas each person has. This is especially true when the person you're talking to has had experience solving problems similar to yours.

You don't have to be a gung-ho, solo hero to solve the problem. If you can organize collective thought on the subject, it would be much better.

Number seven; Be patient. As long as you persevere, there is always a chance that a solution will present itself. Remember that no one was able to create an invention the first time around.

Creative thinking exercises can also help you in your quest be a more creative problems solver. 

So, next time you see a problem you think you can not solve, think again. The solution might just be staring you right in the face. All it takes is just a little creative thinking, some planning, and a whole lot of work.

Reuben Koikai

GIVE TIME, BE A LISTENER AND MAKE FRIENDS

What does it take to make a friend? A normal question with not so normal answers in some cases. 

One of these situations of not the usual answer happened to me luckily not that long ago. 

As some would suspect from your background, may be you are not the most open person at times because of the kind of work you do or just your personal background, and work is in the justice system where one does not necessarily develop a natural affinity to make friendships with everyone. 

But, one thing that should never be compromised is the ability to give everyone a fair hearing without prejudice or malice. In other words, do not paint everyone with the same brush because of past circumstances.

I had occasion to be a leader at my local college and during my responsibilities as a leader I took a walk around the other colleges. I came across other leaders who was leading same level students and stopped in to preview and evaluate his work. 

As soon as I walked in his office he came over and started to chat. As he began to tell me about his work, studies, leadership experience and exposure, I sensed that there was more to his casual discussion than first appeared. 

Sure, he was friendly and quite knowledgeable about his responsibilities but there was more to him than what first was presented.

Just As I Suspected 

I began to ask him about what he did before he became a leader and learned what I had suspected. He had been a failure in classes and several times in his life but never stopped with failures and did appointments.

Now, three years ago, I would have simply thanked him for his time and left. But, as time would have it, and as I was not given to make prejudicial judgments, I remained to listen to his story. 

And, what had been a happenstance meeting turned out to be an open dialogue where we both shared our backgrounds. 

He had made a complete reversal in his life. He had made a decision to become a better person, clean from failing and turned his life around partly by focusing his energy on his ability and gifts. 

We must have chatted about our differing backgrounds and experiences for well over an hour, and this conversation continued off and on for several weeks whenever I happened to be in his college and around town. 

The long and short is that we are very good friends to this day appreciating each others background and being openly accepting of what made our lives different and unique. 

You can make a good and best friend too.

The making of a friend, for me, means being accepting of others, not to prejudge, to give each person an opportunity to express whom they are without jumping down their throat, or assuming that they are unworthy of my time.

Each of us is unique and we all are different. We are neither better nor worse; we are just different. Friendship will not happen unless you are willing to.

Make a friend by giving out your time;

EXPECTATIONS

Expectations can work for us, or against us. Expecting the best in every situation keeps us feeling motivated and passionate about our goals. Conversely, expecting immediate results from our efforts can make us feel frustrated and disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

The tricky thing about expectations is that we may not always be aware of them on a conscious level. At some point during the pursuit of our goals we suddenly we find ourselves feeling angry, resentful or weary without a clear reason why. With a little introspection, we realize we’ve been holding unrealistic expectations about our progress, or fearfully expecting the worst in every situation.

Getting clear about your expectations – and consciously balancing them – can make your journey to success simple and painless.

How do you consciously balance an expectation? By NOT letting your emotions get attached to any one outcome.

“But wait a minute,” you are probably thinking, “How can we not get attached to an outcome? Isn’t that the whole point of having goals?”

When I say, “not getting attached to a specific outcome” I am not necessarily referring to your ultimate goal, but all the smaller milestones between here and there.

For example, one stumbling block our expectations can cause is related to timing. We crave success so badly that we pin our hopes on making it happen within 6 months (or one day!). If that doesn’t happen, we get angry and feel like a failure.

If we didn’t harbor unrealistic expectations about the timing of our success, we’d still be happily working on our goals. Instead, we sabotage ourselves by expecting too much, too soon.

See the difference? By consciously not getting attached to specific outcomes, you will be able to work consistently and steadily toward a goal, and make the journey much smoother!

This state of detachment can also be beneficial to your ultimate goal. Though you may have an idea of where you want to end up, would you be devastated if you ended up with a different (but equally good - or better) result? Chances are you would still feel an immense amount of satisfaction about your accomplishments.

It takes practice to feel comfortable balancing your expectations, but it gets easier as you go along. Eventually it will be second nature for you to remain optimistic yet realistic – which keeps you focused and motivated!

Here’s how to start: with every goal you set, with every action step you take, every challenge you face, ask yourself, “What are my expectations for the outcome of this situation?”

If your expectations seem extreme in either direction (too optimistic or too pessimistic) – or too rigid altogether - adjust them accordingly. Only you can say for sure what is considered optimistic or pessimistic for YOU. It depends on your experience, determination, focus, and the magnitude of your goals. Something that would be extremely difficult for me might be a piece of cake for you. Consider your own abilities, set reasonable goals, and strive to challenge yourself – but not to the point where it seems like an exercise in futility and frustration!

Reuben Koikai

DO NOT BELIEVE AND EMBRACE YOUR NEGATIVE STORY AND LIFE STYLE

2018 UNLOCK YOUR SELF IMPROVEMENT POWER

Dear followers and readers of this page, When we look at a certain object, a painting for example and we won't be able to appreciate what's in it, what is painted and what else goes with it if the painting is just an inch away from our face. But if we try to take it a little further, we'll have a clearer vision of the whole art work.

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and a whole bunch of information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. Until then, something can be staring us right under our nose but we don't see it. The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything got worst. Take the frog principle for example. 

Try placing Frog A in a pot of boiling water. What happens? He twerps! He jumps off! Why? Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment and the waters temperature. Then try Frog B: place him in a luke warm water, then turn the gas stove on. Wait til the water reaches a certain boiling point. Frog B then thinks Ooh! it's a bit warm in here!

People are like Frog B in general. Today, You may think someone hates you. Tomorrow, The different person walks up to you and tell you he hates you. You may stay the same and can't mind what his friends says.

We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. When do we realize that we need to change diets? When none of our jeans and shirts would fit us. When do we stop eating candies and chocolates? When all of our teeth has fallen off. When do we realize that we need to stop smoking? When our lungs have gone bad. When do we pray and ask for help? When we realize that we're going to die tomorrow.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realized its for our own good.

Happy people don't just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don't have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement. Unlocking your self improvement power means unlocking yourself up in the cage of thought that it's just the way I am. It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. Most of us program our minds like computers. 

You repeatedly telling everyone that You don't have the guts to be around groups of people. You heard your mom, your dad, your sister, your teachers telling the same things about you to other people. Over the years, that is what you believed. You believed it's your story. And what happens? Every time a great crowd would troop over your house, in school, and in the community, you tends to step back, shy away and lock yourself up in a room. You didn't only believed in your story, you lived it. 

You now have to realize that you are not what you are in your story. Instead of having your story post around your face for everyone to remember, you have to have the spirit and show people I am an important person and I should be treated accordingly!

Self improvement may not be everybody's favorite word, but if we look at things in a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process instead of counting the days until we are fully improved. Three sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books instead of looking at porns will shape up a more profound knowledge, going out with friends and peers will help you take a step back from work and unwind. And just when you are enjoying the whole process of unlocking your self improvement power, you'll realize that you're beginning to take things light and become happy.

Thank you.

Happy new Year 2018.

TREAT EVERYBODY AS IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE

Treat each person you meet and work with, both at home, college and in the office, as though he or she is the most important person in the world.

When you treat people as if they are valuable and important, they will return the favorby treating you as if you are valuable and important as well. They will want to be associated with you, work for you and with you, buy from you, and introduce you to their friends.

You begin treating people like Important, unique, valuable and special by starting at home, with the members ofyour family. Remember, they are the most important people in your life. So when you start your daywell, first thing in the morning, by making the members of your family feel important and telling themthat you love them, you will be more positive, relaxed, and happier for the rest of the day.

Fully 85 percent of your success will be determined by how much people like and respect you,especially in what for a living (Business, Talents, Profession, Area of Expertise). Never miss an opportunity to treat people well. When you practice this each day for your life, and if you will make it your habit you will build up a character and you will see changes and improvements in your life, work, and income, reputation and fun base that will astonish you.  BE THE BEST.

Reuben Koikai
+255718143903
reubewill@gmail.com

SELECT THE PEOPLE TO FOLLOW

When you decide to be one of the best people in your field, look around you and identify the people who are already at the top. You have to know the following things from them.

• What characteristics do they have in common?

• How do they plan and organize their days?

• How do they dress?

• How do they walk, talk, and behave with other people?

• What books do they read?

• How do they spend their spare time?

• Who do they associate with?

• What courses have they taken?

• What audio programs do they listen to in their homes/cars?

These are just a few of the questions you should ask in order to find out what successful people aredoing that you might also need to do. After all, you can’t hit a target that you can’t see.

Your selection of the right role models can have an enormous impact on your future. Yourreference group is made of the people who you feel are “just like me.” Your natural tendency is toadopt the attitudes, styles of dress, opinions, and lifestyles of the people with whom you identify andassociate most of the time.

FOLLOW THE LEADERS, NOT THE FOLLOWERS.

Reuben Koikai.