GIVE TIME, BE A LISTENER AND MAKE FRIENDS

What does it take to make a friend? A normal question with not so normal answers in some cases. 

One of these situations of not the usual answer happened to me luckily not that long ago. 

As some would suspect from your background, may be you are not the most open person at times because of the kind of work you do or just your personal background, and work is in the justice system where one does not necessarily develop a natural affinity to make friendships with everyone. 

But, one thing that should never be compromised is the ability to give everyone a fair hearing without prejudice or malice. In other words, do not paint everyone with the same brush because of past circumstances.

I had occasion to be a leader at my local college and during my responsibilities as a leader I took a walk around the other colleges. I came across other leaders who was leading same level students and stopped in to preview and evaluate his work. 

As soon as I walked in his office he came over and started to chat. As he began to tell me about his work, studies, leadership experience and exposure, I sensed that there was more to his casual discussion than first appeared. 

Sure, he was friendly and quite knowledgeable about his responsibilities but there was more to him than what first was presented.

Just As I Suspected 

I began to ask him about what he did before he became a leader and learned what I had suspected. He had been a failure in classes and several times in his life but never stopped with failures and did appointments.

Now, three years ago, I would have simply thanked him for his time and left. But, as time would have it, and as I was not given to make prejudicial judgments, I remained to listen to his story. 

And, what had been a happenstance meeting turned out to be an open dialogue where we both shared our backgrounds. 

He had made a complete reversal in his life. He had made a decision to become a better person, clean from failing and turned his life around partly by focusing his energy on his ability and gifts. 

We must have chatted about our differing backgrounds and experiences for well over an hour, and this conversation continued off and on for several weeks whenever I happened to be in his college and around town. 

The long and short is that we are very good friends to this day appreciating each others background and being openly accepting of what made our lives different and unique. 

You can make a good and best friend too.

The making of a friend, for me, means being accepting of others, not to prejudge, to give each person an opportunity to express whom they are without jumping down their throat, or assuming that they are unworthy of my time.

Each of us is unique and we all are different. We are neither better nor worse; we are just different. Friendship will not happen unless you are willing to.

Make a friend by giving out your time;

EXPECTATIONS

Expectations can work for us, or against us. Expecting the best in every situation keeps us feeling motivated and passionate about our goals. Conversely, expecting immediate results from our efforts can make us feel frustrated and disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

The tricky thing about expectations is that we may not always be aware of them on a conscious level. At some point during the pursuit of our goals we suddenly we find ourselves feeling angry, resentful or weary without a clear reason why. With a little introspection, we realize we’ve been holding unrealistic expectations about our progress, or fearfully expecting the worst in every situation.

Getting clear about your expectations – and consciously balancing them – can make your journey to success simple and painless.

How do you consciously balance an expectation? By NOT letting your emotions get attached to any one outcome.

“But wait a minute,” you are probably thinking, “How can we not get attached to an outcome? Isn’t that the whole point of having goals?”

When I say, “not getting attached to a specific outcome” I am not necessarily referring to your ultimate goal, but all the smaller milestones between here and there.

For example, one stumbling block our expectations can cause is related to timing. We crave success so badly that we pin our hopes on making it happen within 6 months (or one day!). If that doesn’t happen, we get angry and feel like a failure.

If we didn’t harbor unrealistic expectations about the timing of our success, we’d still be happily working on our goals. Instead, we sabotage ourselves by expecting too much, too soon.

See the difference? By consciously not getting attached to specific outcomes, you will be able to work consistently and steadily toward a goal, and make the journey much smoother!

This state of detachment can also be beneficial to your ultimate goal. Though you may have an idea of where you want to end up, would you be devastated if you ended up with a different (but equally good - or better) result? Chances are you would still feel an immense amount of satisfaction about your accomplishments.

It takes practice to feel comfortable balancing your expectations, but it gets easier as you go along. Eventually it will be second nature for you to remain optimistic yet realistic – which keeps you focused and motivated!

Here’s how to start: with every goal you set, with every action step you take, every challenge you face, ask yourself, “What are my expectations for the outcome of this situation?”

If your expectations seem extreme in either direction (too optimistic or too pessimistic) – or too rigid altogether - adjust them accordingly. Only you can say for sure what is considered optimistic or pessimistic for YOU. It depends on your experience, determination, focus, and the magnitude of your goals. Something that would be extremely difficult for me might be a piece of cake for you. Consider your own abilities, set reasonable goals, and strive to challenge yourself – but not to the point where it seems like an exercise in futility and frustration!

Reuben Koikai

DO NOT BELIEVE AND EMBRACE YOUR NEGATIVE STORY AND LIFE STYLE

2018 UNLOCK YOUR SELF IMPROVEMENT POWER

Dear followers and readers of this page, When we look at a certain object, a painting for example and we won't be able to appreciate what's in it, what is painted and what else goes with it if the painting is just an inch away from our face. But if we try to take it a little further, we'll have a clearer vision of the whole art work.

We reach a point in our life when we are ready for change and a whole bunch of information that will help us unlock our self improvement power. Until then, something can be staring us right under our nose but we don't see it. The only time we think of unlocking our self improvement power is when everything got worst. Take the frog principle for example. 

Try placing Frog A in a pot of boiling water. What happens? He twerps! He jumps off! Why? Because he is not able to tolerate sudden change in his environment and the waters temperature. Then try Frog B: place him in a luke warm water, then turn the gas stove on. Wait til the water reaches a certain boiling point. Frog B then thinks Ooh! it's a bit warm in here!

People are like Frog B in general. Today, You may think someone hates you. Tomorrow, The different person walks up to you and tell you he hates you. You may stay the same and can't mind what his friends says.

We learn our lessons when we experience pain. We finally see the warning signs and signals when things get rough and tough. When do we realize that we need to change diets? When none of our jeans and shirts would fit us. When do we stop eating candies and chocolates? When all of our teeth has fallen off. When do we realize that we need to stop smoking? When our lungs have gone bad. When do we pray and ask for help? When we realize that we're going to die tomorrow.

The only time most of us ever learn about unlocking our self improvement power is when the whole world is crashing and falling apart. We think and feel this way because it is not easy to change. But change becomes more painful when we ignore it.

Change will happen, like it or hate it. At one point or another, we are all going to experience different turning points in our life and we are all going to eventually unlock our self improvement power not because the world says so, not because our friends are nagging us, but because we realized its for our own good.

Happy people don't just accept change, they embrace it. Now, you don't have to feel a tremendous heat before realizing the need for self improvement. Unlocking your self improvement power means unlocking yourself up in the cage of thought that it's just the way I am. It is such a poor excuse for people who fear and resist change. Most of us program our minds like computers. 

You repeatedly telling everyone that You don't have the guts to be around groups of people. You heard your mom, your dad, your sister, your teachers telling the same things about you to other people. Over the years, that is what you believed. You believed it's your story. And what happens? Every time a great crowd would troop over your house, in school, and in the community, you tends to step back, shy away and lock yourself up in a room. You didn't only believed in your story, you lived it. 

You now have to realize that you are not what you are in your story. Instead of having your story post around your face for everyone to remember, you have to have the spirit and show people I am an important person and I should be treated accordingly!

Self improvement may not be everybody's favorite word, but if we look at things in a different point of view, we might have greater chances of enjoying the whole process instead of counting the days until we are fully improved. Three sessions in a week at the gym would result to a healthier life, reading books instead of looking at porns will shape up a more profound knowledge, going out with friends and peers will help you take a step back from work and unwind. And just when you are enjoying the whole process of unlocking your self improvement power, you'll realize that you're beginning to take things light and become happy.

Thank you.

Happy new Year 2018.

TREAT EVERYBODY AS IMPORTANT AND VALUABLE

Treat each person you meet and work with, both at home, college and in the office, as though he or she is the most important person in the world.

When you treat people as if they are valuable and important, they will return the favorby treating you as if you are valuable and important as well. They will want to be associated with you, work for you and with you, buy from you, and introduce you to their friends.

You begin treating people like Important, unique, valuable and special by starting at home, with the members ofyour family. Remember, they are the most important people in your life. So when you start your daywell, first thing in the morning, by making the members of your family feel important and telling themthat you love them, you will be more positive, relaxed, and happier for the rest of the day.

Fully 85 percent of your success will be determined by how much people like and respect you,especially in what for a living (Business, Talents, Profession, Area of Expertise). Never miss an opportunity to treat people well. When you practice this each day for your life, and if you will make it your habit you will build up a character and you will see changes and improvements in your life, work, and income, reputation and fun base that will astonish you.  BE THE BEST.

Reuben Koikai
+255718143903
reubewill@gmail.com

SELECT THE PEOPLE TO FOLLOW

When you decide to be one of the best people in your field, look around you and identify the people who are already at the top. You have to know the following things from them.

• What characteristics do they have in common?

• How do they plan and organize their days?

• How do they dress?

• How do they walk, talk, and behave with other people?

• What books do they read?

• How do they spend their spare time?

• Who do they associate with?

• What courses have they taken?

• What audio programs do they listen to in their homes/cars?

These are just a few of the questions you should ask in order to find out what successful people aredoing that you might also need to do. After all, you can’t hit a target that you can’t see.

Your selection of the right role models can have an enormous impact on your future. Yourreference group is made of the people who you feel are “just like me.” Your natural tendency is toadopt the attitudes, styles of dress, opinions, and lifestyles of the people with whom you identify andassociate most of the time.

FOLLOW THE LEADERS, NOT THE FOLLOWERS.

Reuben Koikai.

THINK ONLY NOT ABOUT YOUR SELF, THINK ABOUT OTHERS TOO

In this life, we need to think not only of ourselves, but of others. What we do does affect other people, just as other people’s attitudes, behavior and actions affect us. What is wonderful these days is that the individual is encouraged to strive for improvement, not just financially, but intellectually, emotionally, and spiritually.

We have obligations to ourselves to strive to be rounded, successful and happy. This obligation, I believe, is to ensure that we make the most of our opportunities and situations so that we can give back to those close to us, those who have supported us and also to our communities. Our communities, families, professions, towns and countries are all organs that are the consequence of the individuals and organizations that participate in their development. Our own self development is part of the development of our environment, our culture, and others out there .

Therefore, if we see our future, and our vision of what we want to achieve, we need to examine not only the value of those goals and their effects on others, but we also need to consider others in our development path, and our actions in the short and medium term. So if making money is your long term goal, there is nothing wrong with that at all. Money can do wonderful things. However, how we make money, and how we use it, and how we perceive ourselves, regardless of the amount of money we have, all these things are important.

If, in the process of making money, you don’t take any care of the consequences of your actions on other people, you can’t expect to be treated well by others on their way up the wealth ladder. And as we all know, its best to be civil and respectful to those we meet on the way up just in case we meet them on the way down! What it all comes down to is that money is not everything. If striving to achieve great wealth is the most important thing, it can appear at times to be more important than our families, our neighbors, our friends and our colleagues.

But you can’t take it with you, and wealth doesn’t bring respect, but how you achieve it and what you do with it does. Self respect and respect for others is the mainstay of being happy and contented, and is going to be influential in determining our progress and success in life.

Reuben Koikai.

What can Meditation do with your Personal Excellence

Meditation And Personal Excellence?

Meditation refers to a state where your body and mind are consciously relaxed and focused. Practitioners of this art report increased awareness, focus, and concentration, as well as a more positive outlook in life. Meditation is most commonly associated with monks, mystics and other spiritual disciplines. However, you don't have to be a monk or mystic to enjoy its benefits. And you don't even have to be in a special place to practice it. You could even try it in your own living room!

Although there are many different approaches to meditation, the fundamental principles remain the same. The most important among these principles is that of removing obstructive, negative, and wandering thoughts and fantasies, and calming the mind with a deep sense of focus. This clears the mind of debris and prepares it for a higher quality of activity.

The negative thoughts you have and those of noisy neighbors, bossy office mates, relationship, and unwanted spam are said to contribute to the pollution of the mind, and shutting them out is allows for the cleaning of the mind so that it may focus on deeper, more meaningful thoughts.

Some practitioners even shut out all sensory input and no sights, no sounds, and nothing to touch and try to detach themselves from the commotion around them. You may now focus on a deep, profound thought if this is your goal. It may seem deafening at first, since we are all too accustomed to constantly hearing and seeing things, but as you continue this exercise you will find yourself becoming more aware of everything around you.

If you find the meditating positions you see on television threatening those with impossibly arched backs, and painful-looking contortions you need not worry. The principle here is to be in a comfortable position conducive to concentration. This may be while sitting cross-legged, standing, lying down, and even walking.

If the position allows you to relax and focus, then that would be a good starting point. While sitting or standing, the back should be straight, but not tense or tight. In other positions, the only no-no is slouching and falling asleep. Loose, comfortable clothes help a lot in the process since tight fitting clothes have a tendency to choke you up and make you feel tense.

The place you perform meditation should have a soothing atmosphere. It may be in your living room, or bedroom, or any place that you feel comfortable in. You might want an exercise mat if you plan to take on the more challenging positions (if you feel more focused doing so, and if the contortionist in you is screaming for release). You may want to have the place arranged so that it is soothing to your senses.

Silence helps most people relax and meditate, so you may want a quiet, isolated area far from the ringing of the phone or the other noisy machines. Pleasing scents also help in that regard, so stocking up on aromatic candles isn't such a bad idea either. The monks you see on television making those monotonous sounds are actually performing their mantra. This, in simple terms, is a short creed, a simple sound which, for these practitioners, holds a mystic value.

You do not need to perform such; however, it would pay to note that focusing on repeated actions such as breathing, and humming help the practitioner enter a higher state of consciousness. The principle here is focus. You could also try focusing on a certain object or thought, or even, while keeping your eyes open, focus on a single sight.

One sample routine would be to, while in a meditative state and silently name every part of you body and focusing your consciousness on that part. While doing this you should be aware of any tension on any part of your body. Mentally visualize releasing this tension. It works wonders. In all, meditation is a relatively risk-free practice and its benefits are well worth the effort.

Studies have shown that meditation does bring about beneficial physiologic effects to the body. And there has been a growing consensus in the medical community to further study the effects of such. So in the near future, who knows, that mystical, esoteric thing we call meditation might become a science itself!

Reuben Koikai

#Meditate everyday.