THE JOYS AND EVILS OF EXPECTATIONS

Do you know that Expectations can work for us, or against us??. Expecting the best in every situation keeps us feeling motivated and passionate about our goals. Conversely, expecting immediate results from our efforts can make us feel frustrated and disappointed when it doesn’t happen.

The tricky thing about expectations is that we may not always be aware of them on a conscious level. At some point during the pursuit of our goals we suddenly we find ourselves feeling angry, resentful or weary without a clear reason why. With a little introspection, we realize we’ve been holding unrealistic expectations about our progress, or fearfully expecting the worst in every situation.

Getting clear about your expectations and consciously balancing them, can make your journey to success simple and painless.

How do you consciously balance an expectation? By NOT letting your emotions get attached to any one outcome.

“But wait a minute,” you are probably thinking, “How can we not get attached to an outcome? Isn’t that the whole point of having goals?”

When I say, “not getting attached to a specific outcome” I am not necessarily referring to your ultimate goal, but all the smaller milestones between here and there.

For example, one stumbling block our expectations can cause is related to timing. We crave success so badly that we pin our hopes on making it happen within 6 months (or one day!). If that doesn’t happen, we get angry and feel like a failure.

If we didn’t harbor unrealistic expectations about the timing of our success, we’d still be happily working on our goals. Instead, we sabotage ourselves by expecting too much, too soon.

See the difference? By consciously not getting attached to specific outcomes, you will be able to work consistently and steadily toward a goal, and make the journey much smoother!

This state of detachment can also be beneficial to your ultimate goal. Though you may have an idea of where you want to end up, would you be devastated if you ended up with a different (but equally good - or better) result? Chances are you would still feel an immense amount of satisfaction about your accomplishments.

It takes practice to feel comfortable balancing your expectations, but it gets easier as you go along. Eventually it will be second nature for you to remain optimistic yet realistic which keeps you focused and motivated!

Here’s how to start: with every goal you set, with every action step you take, every challenge you face, ask yourself, “What are my expectations for the outcome of this situation?”

If your expectations seem extreme in either direction (too optimistic or too pessimistic) or too rigid altogether  adjust them accordingly. Only you can say for sure what is considered optimistic or pessimistic for YOU. It depends on your experience, determination, focus, and the magnitude of your goals. Something that would be extremely difficult for me might be a piece of cake for you. Consider your own abilities, set reasonable goals, and strive to challenge yourself  but not to the point where it seems like an exercise in futility and frustration!

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Thank you.

UNDERSTAND WHO BRINGS YOU DOWN

UNDERSTAND WHO BRINGS YOU DOWN

The things around you are not just the ones that can bring you down. Sometimes, there are certain types of people who will discourage you and make you think and see life in a negative way. Sadly, seeing things negatively leaves no room for your positive sides to grow. These people will sometimes pass unkind remarks or do things just to stop you from succeeding and surpassing what you have attained.

The negative vibes that these people bring can add more misery to your life. That is why it is important that you are aware of the people who will be happy to see you live as a pessimistic person. It would be better if you ignore these persons and be strong enough to move one from them. Ignoring them does not mean that you hate them, it just means that you care more about your well-being than their opinions and criticisms.

The following are the people who can bring you down and make happiness harder for you to experience:

1: IMPOSSIBLE TO PLEASE

There are people who are really hard to please. Sometimes, it is better to accept the fact that you will never please them no matter what you do that keep on exerting effort to something that you know from the start that it will not deliver positive results.

At some point in your life, you will meet people who will treat you badly, disrespect you, and discredit you for no particular reason. The best thing that you can do in this kind of situation is to simply walk away. Do not have to consumer yourself trying harder just to win their approval especially if you already tried that before but they are still not pleased.

2: FAKE FRIENDS

Friends are the ones whom we can rely on in times when we needed a shoulder to cry on. They become your siblings by faith. Unfortunately, there are also people who pretend to be your friend when in fact they only treat you as one because you are beneficial to them. Fake friends only remember you when they need your help. For this reason, it is essential that you are careful when choosing people whom you will include in your circle of friends.

It also pays to know the qualities of friends who can bring you down instead of helping you get up after failing. “Fake” friends will not accept you for who you are no matter how hard to you try to fit in.

They want to see you get in trouble and do something wrong. This type of friends also turns their back on you and brings you down by not being there when you needed them the most and by not staying true to their promises.

3: BULLIES

Bullies make the life of people more complicated. They prioritize their needs and feeling over the people around then. Bullies use their negativity to scare and intimidate you as well as manipulate your thoughts. They will say and do anything to make you do what they want you to do for them. They manipulate people for their own personal gain.

4: UNFORGIVING PEOPLE

All people make mistakes. What’s important is that you take an effort to correct such mistake, learn from it, and think of ways on how you can prevent yourself from committing the same mistake. However, there are people who find it hard to forgive those who did something wrong to them or do not support you in your goal of growing beyond your past mistakes.

Use your past mistakes as your guide when living in the present and planning for your future. If the people around you constantly judge you based on the mistakes that you have committed in the past or use such mistakes to hold it against you and use them to bring you down, it would be best if you leave them behind.

5: DRAMA QUEEN

Yes! Drama queens can also bring you down. They are the type of people who always want to create controversy and outlandish antics for no apparent reason. The ideal thing that you can do if you happen to personally know a drama queen is to ignore them and just walk-away.

You have to do your best to make sure that you do not fall into their antics. Deal with them in a calmer and more confident manner as you do not want to stir up your own controversy. When possible, you can show them how to manage different problems in life. Instead of allowing them to bring you down, be the one who inspire, educate, and encourage people to always practice compassion and understanding.

6: PEOPLE WHO INSIST THAT YOU SHOULD BE SOMEONE ELSE

Be proud of who you are! You have to create your own identity and not the one that is copied from others. There is no better feelings than to know that the people around you accept you for who you are and not the one they want you to become.

Unfortunately, there are people who do not see and appreciate the developments that you made for yourself that speak of who you really are. They keep on insisting that you will become a better person if you become someone else. Of all people, it is you who knows what is best for you. You can experience real success, love, and happiness if you chose to be who you are and not a second version of someone else.

Let the people around you love and respect you for who you are, and do not conform to please them or feel threatened if you do not become who they want to be.

7: YOURSELF

That is right! Even your own self can bring you down! Self-criticism is often associate with anxiety, depression, and unhappiness. Your value as a person does not come from who you are not but in who you are.

Stop criticizing yourself! You may not be as good as what other people are. But there is something SPECIAL and UNIQUE about you that they do not have.

Everyone is different from each other. That is why you have to stop making comparisons. Just accept and enjoy what you have. Your flaws is part of your individuality. Let it not be the reason as to why you should become your biggest inner critic.

WHEN IS ENOUGH TO THE POINT WHEN ENOUGH DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING ANYMORE?

WHAT IS ENOUGH

I don't know anyone who hasn't wished for more than they have or at least, very few. And, those few who said they had enough were usually people who had already lived a full life and amassed a substantial amount of money so they never had to worry about paying their bills or living the way they wanted. 

But, is this really what is meant by having enough? 

MISSING LIFE'S JOYS 

To have enough for some people never comes. 

They never seem to be happy with what they have always moaning about somebody they know who has more money, or a bigger house, or a newer car, or who goes on regular exotic vacations. For these people, I am truly sorry. 

They have missed a great deal that life has to offer by seemingly looking for more to make them happy. But, I doubt that happiness will ever find them no matter how much they have. 

HAPPINESS BEYOND WEALTH 

For others, having enough means that they live comfortably; they live a lifestyle that befits their monetary means but this does not mean that they suffer.

These type of people do not need the newest of everything being quite satisfied with a car that may be used and a couple of years old just glad that they have a dependable automobile to get them to where they need to go. 

It means that they enjoy a back yard BBQ just as much as if they were flying off to an exotic destination. They spend quality time with their family enjoying the comradeship and the little quarrels that spill over from time to time. 

They go to bed being grateful for what they have. 

NOT HAPPY AT ALL 

And, others may have had enough but decided that their lifestyle it brought what not really what they needed or wanted or indeed, what made them happy. 

These are the people who had the big salaries, had the company car, had all the conferences and offsite get a ways, who had the big house and the cottage by a remote lake. And, for all they had, they spent exactly that and then some. 

To these people, this kind of life was not satisfying because it was filled with a type of phoniness where you never really seemed to have friends in the truest sense, instead a whole bunch of acquaintances that you associated with because they were part of the role, expected as a team player or a corporate gopher. 

Now, on the other hand, there are thousands of people who think this is just what they always wanted. If this is the case and they are really happy, then good for them. 

But for all those others, when is enough to the point when enough doesn't mean anything anymore? 

I have a friend who had it all - a well paying job, a big house, the cottage that most people would love to have as a house! But he was truly unhappy. There were many who looked at him and couldn't understand why he was not the happiest man in the world. But as he said to me, "all these things are just material things, they don't bring true happiness." 

NOW IT IS YOUR DECISION 

The point is this, to have enough is something that only your inner self can explain. 

It is up to you to really decide what makes you happy and what is enough when it comes to your life, family, job and so forth. 

On the other hand, if you feel that enough is no longer what you value, then it is time to make a change to what you really want. Maybe this change requires you to move away from what you have been doing, take a new job or career direction or start your own business. 

Maybe it is time to have a hard look at your own values and see whether these values have been compromised over the years to the point where you need to make a big adjustment. 

Decide now before you end up forever searching for what is enough.

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START SMALL

GOAL-SETTING, SIMPLIFIED

Goal-setting is one of those things that seems like it should be very simple, but can often cause anguish and aggravation. Even worse, if it’s not done productively it can convince us that we’re doomed to failure and prompt us to give up on our dreams forever.

The number one mistake that most people make when goal-setting is reaching too high right from the get-go. There is nothing wrong with reaching high – in fact I encourage it. However, what most people fail to consider is the PROCESS of growth and development that must take place between where they begin and where they’d like to end up.

You wouldn’t expect an infant to set a goal to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, would you? Perhaps later when that infant has learned how to crawl and walk, and after he has grown into a man and strengthened his body and conditioned himself to deal with the harsh elements, and after he has tackled smaller and less dangerous mountains – yes. But not before the necessary growth, development and preparation have taken place.

Many people try to make a similar large leap when they set their goals. They want to transform themselves from a position of lack and fear to a position of power and success in a short period of time, and it’s just not likely. (Notice I didn’t say it was impossible! Stranger things have happened, but let’s just say it’s a rarity.)

The good news is that every large goal can be broken down into smaller, more manageable goals. If your goal is to climb Mt. Kilimanjaro, you will first need to gain some experience mountain climbing, get into the best shape of your life, and so on. (I will assume that you are not an infant, so you have already mastered crawling, walking, and growing into an adult.)

Now, take another look at those smaller goals I listed above: gain mountain-climbing experience and get into great shape.

Even those steps can be broken down into smaller goals, such as buying some books or taking some classes to educate yourself on hiking and mountain climbing; joining a gym, starting a healthy eating plan, etc.

Successful goal-setting is as easy as learning how to identify the mini-goals that compose each larger goal, and focusing your efforts on THOSE FIRST. That doesn’t mean you can’t keep your larger goal in mind and keep pushing yourself to reach it. However, giving most of your attention to the smaller steps along the journey will result in less stress and much quicker progress.

Take another look at the vision you wrote for your life, and then ask yourself how this big achievement might be broken down into smaller steps. If you can come up with some reasonable action steps you can take immediately, you will gain confidence with each small achievement you make. As your confidence grows and you gain experience and knowledge, your action steps will automatically become bigger and bolder, and so will your results.

While you may be tempted to set a timeframe for accomplishing your goals, I would advise caution. It’s okay to have an idea about when you will reach your goals because it can definitely keep you motivated and focused. But it can also backfire if you don’t see results quickly enough and make you give up out of sheer impatience.

What I said in the segment about expectations also applies here. Be reasonable and balanced about your goals. Just like you can’t expect to make a giant leap from “here” to “there”, you also can’t expect to accomplish everything overnight. There are two good ways to keep your goal-setting balanced:

FOCUS ON THE SENSE OF ACCOMPLISHMENT YOU GET FROM EVERY STEP YOU TAKE.
Rather than pinning your satisfaction only on the big goal you have in mind, allow yourself to feel good about the progress you’re making toward that goal. Feel proud about the great job you’re doing and really allow yourself to enjoy the journey.

DON’T WORRY ABOUT THE TIMEFRAME. This one is definitely more challenging, but it’s also very freeing! Instead of setting a timeframe, simply commit to working steadily and enthusiastically on each small action step. Don’t buy into impatience if you don’t see results immediately – in fact, let the ACTIONS themselves be their own rewards. Feel good that you are strengthening your self-discipline and growing more completely into the person you were meant to be. Believe it or not, it’s very rewarding to take this type of attitude.

AGAIN, DO WHAT YOU FEEL IS BEST FOR YOU.

WHICH OF THESE QUALITIES DO YOU HAVE?

DEVELOPING A TRUE SUCCESS MIND-SET

Have you ever observed successful people? Think about in-demand movie stars, business professionals, politicians, or any person in a position of power and affluence.

What quality or qualities do they all seem to have?

Confidence

Determination

Discipline

Focus

Self-Worth

Self-Esteem

Self-Assurance

Creativity

Flexibility

Resiliency

Vision

Patience

Courage

Self-Sufficiency

Which of these qualities do YOU have?

You might be able to check off one or two (or perhaps a few) of these qualities and call them your own, but you might struggle with the rest. Most people do, until they understand the foundation of success:

DEVELOPING A BELIEF IN YOURSELF NOW

That is the root from which all of the above qualities stem, and it is the same root from which success grows.

If you don’t believe in yourself, if you don’t believe you deserve to be successful, if you don’t believe that you have what it takes to create the successful life you crave – you will remain exactly where you are right now.

I really love these lines, "A man can only do what he can do. But if he does that each day he can sleep at night and do it again the next day."

You may be thinking, “Okay, I get it, I need to believe in myself in order to be successful. But how am I supposed to believe in myself when I really DON’T believe in myself?!”

It seems like an impossible challenge, but once you begin making small changes in your mental and physical environments, you will be surprised how quickly your circumstances begin to shift.

Start small now and never let it go!

CAN YOU REALLY “SEE” YOURSELF AS A CONFIDENT, SUCCESSFUL PERSON?

ALLOWING YOURSELF TO BE SUCCESSFUL

Even without your conscious awareness, your current beliefs may be holding you back. Whether you struggle to believe in yourself, your capabilities, or the vast array of limitless possibilities for your life, you may be shutting out the very thoughts that can propel you to the success you desire.

Pause for a moment and answer this question: Can you really “see” yourself as a confident, successful person? If you close your eyes and call up an image of yourself, what does that self look like? Is he or she enthusiastic about life, willing to take risks, eager to grasp the joy and abundance he/she deserves? Can you imagine this person with endless opportunities for growth and advancement in life?

If you can’t quite “see” yourself as being successful (or at least having the potential to be successful), it is likely that your own beliefs are creating an inner blockage.

Unless you turn this around and open your mind to what is possible, you will continue to sabotage your own efforts.

Dissolving inner blockages is not as difficult as it may seem. The two main things you need to have are:

1) the willingness to believe something different, and

2) the courage to take action on your new beliefs.

The first step requires a large dose of faith when you first begin to shift your beliefs. All of the “evidence” in your life seems to reinforce your current beliefs, right?

You believe you are not successful, not confident, not courageous enough to take risks, and perhaps not the “lucky” type of person that finds great opportunities to move forward.

If these are your beliefs, your outer life probably “proves” them to be accurate. You may struggle with lack, fear, procrastination, confusion and frustration on a daily basis. Therefore you know your beliefs are “true”.

What many people fail to understand is that their beliefs are what create the “evidence” in their lives.

Here is how it usually happens:

As a child, you are naturally confident, optimistic, open-minded and ready to tackle challenges. You’ve got all the potential in the world at this point, and your life is a blank slate, waiting for you to turn it into a masterpiece. Then the negative conditioning begins. You are given conditions and limitations by the adults in your life (whether your parents, teachers, pastor, or other authority figures).

My mother said to me, “ If you become a soldier, you’ll be a general, if you become a pastor you’ll end up as the Bishop.” Instead, I became a writer and wound up as motivational and inspirational speaker

These conditions and limitations begin to alter your belief in what is possible for your life. Rather than encouraging your dream of becoming an astronaut (or whatever your personal dream is), you are scolded into being more “practical”.

You start to believe that your dream is foolish, and you are foolish for believing in useless fantasies.

Even worse, the adults in your life start attaching limiting labels to you: learning disabled, dumb, unlucky, accident prone, head in the clouds, challenged, sensitive, weak-willed, irresponsible (and sometimes much more damaging ones).

Eventually, after you begin to believe these things, your actions are affected by them. Instead of choosing Path A, you move toward Path B because you just don’t have what it takes to be one of the “elite” in life.

Throughout your lifetime, every decision you make is based on the beliefs you formed as a child and young adult.

Beliefs prompt specific actions

which create specific results

which reinforce the beliefs.

Changing your limiting beliefs requires a willingness to have faith that you are NOT dumb, challenged, irresponsible, weak-willed, or unlucky – even though your experiences thus far seem to have “proven” those things as being true.

But here’s the good news: if you suspend your beliefs and dare to hope that maybe your impressions are false, and once you start taking actions that correspond with more positive beliefs, your results will change!

WHO ARE YOU IN 2017?

2017 IS YOUR TURN SO FORGET THE WORLD!

There's no possible way you can be yourself without knowing who you really are. You pretend to idolize football player David Beckham because your neighbor does and you want to gain his approval. Soon enough you will realize that you don't know what interests you because you've been whiling away time with what least interests you. Understand yourself, figure out where your deepest passion lies and be proud of your qualities. Contemplate your life and the choices you've made. Take personality tests and you will eventually disentangle the buried mesh of what had been your true interests and hobbies all along! Accept it with pride!

SO FORGET THE WORLD!

Ask your self! So what if the person besides you passed a nasty comment on your outfit?. Let me ask you my dear reader, As long as you're comfortable, does it really make a difference to your welfare? Or do you hesitate to raise your hand in class to ask the question that's persistently been pestering you simply because you fear your classmates might find it silly and doubt your intelligence? Why is their opinion even worth it? You should feel stupid for putting their opinions before your clarity on the subject! Forget the world, live your life and be yourself. Happiness will be right behind you/in this Year 2017 

BREATHE & BE HONEST FOR YOUR SELF.

Why do you want to live through the rest of your life safeguarding your sticky web of lies? Life is never rosy for anybody. Maybe at the beginning, you might not be as fortunate as certain other coveted beings. Nevertheless, if you hold your breath and take each day as it comes, life's delicate balance will soon manifest itself. There is no good reason to be ashamed of who you are. Whether it's a physical or mental shortcoming, the most trusted way to overcoming it is by acknowledging it with courage. We are all blighted with flaws and by hiding them, we are only adding to that list! 

EXPRESS YOUR INDIVIDUALITY THIS YEAR

The moment self-confidence is on your side, a beautiful and unique personality will blossom! Standing out isn't easy but it usually comes from within. It might be a skill, or a manner of speaking or infectious charisma. Build up on a character that singles you out from everybody in your planet. Be yourself. Even oddly colored slippers might accentuate your eccentric character after which you might garner admiration from different sides. Don't be a prototype, be a proud unique individual in this year 2017. 

BELIEVE IN YOURSELF THIS YEAR

Take off that hideous mask and unleash the beauty hidden underneath its eternal ugliness! If you try to be what you're not, you're going to be unhappy through the remainder of your fake life. Thrive on solitude, engage in soul searching and you will soon be well acquainted with your new best friend- The Real You. Life will soon turn into a elongated party interspersed with memorable episodes of sadness, joy, laughter, bitterness and all the emotions experienced in the life that is worth living